She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think my vagina is haunted
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
