so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
