you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
a search helicopter?!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
