U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
