he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
