He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
