i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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