Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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