Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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