We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
