..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
