from now on my penis is your penis
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
