Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
