I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
