plz talk dirty to me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
