How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
