I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
