Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
