there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
