You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
