not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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