I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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