you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
