i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize