Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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