P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
