You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
