If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
