i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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