Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
