I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
