can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
