she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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