My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We have started to decorate penises.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
