How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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