Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
