I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
