I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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