Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
