yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
