Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
