So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
