i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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