I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
