i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
