to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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