we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
