Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
