Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
