I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize