Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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