how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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