i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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