So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
People with herpes should wear stickers.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
