You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
