Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
