we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
