i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize