glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
foreskin is a definite game changer
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
