I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
