im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
