I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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