just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
