you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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