I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
