I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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