im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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