if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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