so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
