my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
