I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
