Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
