You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
sarcasm needs its own font
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
