Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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