she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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