imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
