You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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