Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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