Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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