I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
