dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
