I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
