and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
