I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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