Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
