I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
