Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
