he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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