i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
