I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
