Fine. I'll sleep in my office
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
