I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
