I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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