you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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