am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
being pregnant is like rehab
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
