what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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