btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
