I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
