you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I stole a fireplace last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
