Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
