dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
he high fived his dick after we had sex
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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