naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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