the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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