I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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